I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
50% drunk capacity currently
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
