tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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