Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
