are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
