part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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