Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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