Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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