So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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