just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
