i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
