First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
