If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
