So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
