You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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