i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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