worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just high enough for therapy.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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