I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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