dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
