i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
