Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
