Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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