what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
