You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
