It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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