this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
