the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
