Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Randomize
