I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
