So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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