What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
