And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
