the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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