I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
