Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
As shirtless as possible
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
