FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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