I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
