I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Did you just see the Batmobile???
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
