Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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