I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
