Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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