remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
