Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
