I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
