so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
