I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
