Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
