ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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