I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
