absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
