please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
